11 Comments
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Eris Index's avatar

Jesus Christ. I don't think I'm even going to try to explain how emotionally destroyed I am after reading this.

This should have won.

It carries emotional pressure from start to finish, and it builds. It builds until you're as distraught at the character.

It doesn't help that so many people, myself included, live this every day.

Fantastic job with this.

Aaron Martinez's avatar

Thank you, Eris! Glad to see this is connecting with other folks. Maybe “glad” isn’t the right word - I wish fewer of us had to experience this kind of helplessness. But I think I nailed the vibe I was going for, and killed it on the criteria of the assignment, but I was up against some stiff competition.

Here’s the story that won:

https://www.bowandchariot.com/science-fiction/s46-e168

What really mattered to me when I finished was seeing how the work I had been putting into finding my voice was starting to pay off. The story isn’t perfect, but compared to past writing, this was a noticeable step up for me.

Thanks for reading!

Eris Index's avatar

I enjoyed that story as well. Not as much as this one, but also really good.

Your vibe was definitely nailed, and criteria murdered.

Progression in our writing is a lovely feeling. 👏🙏

Dave Gray's avatar

Piggybacking on this. Absolute master class stuff write here.

This is "I have no mouth, and I must scream" for anyone in the 21st century stuck in the fucking grind.

Andy Vought's avatar

Damn...this hits home. Very well done.

Aaron Martinez's avatar

I’m sorry. And thanks!

Alicia's avatar

Sadly, we're not too far from this reality now.

Aaron Martinez's avatar

It’s a little maddening how many people can identify with this story. The system kind of sucks.

Alicia's avatar

💯 Yep. I myself have been through a version of this scenario twice.

Zack Harmes's avatar

One of the craziest things about fiction, Aaron, is coming across a story so eerily similar to what you’ve gone through in your own life. It is both comforting and disturbing. This was really good. You hit it right on the head. Well done.

Dave Gray's avatar

I am coming back to read this one later. Can't wait!!!